Category Archives: Being Married

How To Shop For a Used Car

The adult experience is loaded with grim tasks, responsibilities, expectations and unfortunate realities. It’s a good thing I’m married so I have a wife to handle all that shit. But when it comes to buying a car, I’m in the … Continue reading

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Man and Sandwich: A Sacred Relationship (Part 1)

Recently a woman approached me at a local watering hole. She introduced herself, and asked me if I could give her some advice because she was having “man trouble.” Seems she had the hots for some guy, and wondered if … Continue reading

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Why Does the Floor Have To Be So Low?

I am a pathetic worm. A writhing, whining, grunting, squirming carcass of need. Normal everyday function has been rendered impossible. For example, if I concentrate and struggle mightily for several minutes, I can remove one of my socks. I won’t … Continue reading

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Daddy’s Little Helper

Man, I haven’t been right since I fell out of bed this morning. The alarm went off, I misjudged my swipe at the snooze button, and fell right onto the dog, who was was in a dead sleep on the … Continue reading

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The Making of Off White Christmas, Part 1

It all started with a hamburger. A big, greasy, overbuilt monstrosity that was reportedly “demolished” by Guy Fieri, the Food Network dude who made a career out of a hairstyle. The restaurant was Waddell’s in Spokane, and I’d called Chip … Continue reading

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How Clean Is Clean?

How clean is clean? It depends on whom you’re cleaning for, and who’s doing the cleaning. I’ve learned (usually the hard way) that “clean” means something different to men than it does to women. Men like things to LOOK clean: … Continue reading

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A Tale of Two Teams: Can a Marriage Survive?

The chatter of the exuberant bar full of NFL fans dropped to a murmur as we made our way through the Desperado last October. We took a seat at a table near the biggest of the big screens, she in … Continue reading

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Going to the Bird Sanctuary? Don’t Forget Your Arrowproof Vest

I’m not fat. James Gandolfini is fat. Larry the Cable Guy is fat. Dominique Strauss-Kahn’s rape file is fat. I’m stocky. Stout. Barrel-chested. A densely-packed man of action. Not fat. So when my wife casually grabbed a handful of my … Continue reading

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