Category Archives: Animals

Why Does the Floor Have To Be So Low?

Posted on February 11, 2013 by

I am a pathetic worm. A writhing, whining, grunting, squirming carcass of need. Normal everyday function has been rendered impossible. For example, if I concentrate and struggle mightily for several minutes, I can remove one of my socks. I won’t … Continue reading →

Posted in Animals, Being Married, Drinking, Family, Food, Health, Marriage, Middle Age Blues, Pets, Pets | Leave a comment

Daddy’s Little Helper

Posted on January 30, 2013 by

Man, I haven’t been right since I fell out of bed this morning. The alarm went off, I misjudged my swipe at the snooze button, and fell right onto the dog, who was was in a dead sleep on the … Continue reading →

Posted in Animals, Being Married, Culture (or lack thereof), Family, Health, Middle Age Blues, Pets | Leave a comment

Adventures In Dogsitting: Ooh Ooh That Smell

Posted on January 5, 2012 by

Ah, on cold mornings like this, nothing feels better on the bare feet than a wood floor in a gas-heated home. Until you step in the dog vomit. Fred. We dogsit Fred for a friend when she goes out of … Continue reading →

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Math Is Your Friend.

Posted on September 12, 2011 by

Good news on the employment front: if you’re willing to learn third-grade arithmetic, and have a working knowledge of your homeland’s most popular spoken language, you should be able to leap-frog over millions of America’s working knuckleheads and find a … Continue reading →

Posted in Animals, Business, Culture (or lack thereof), Lifestyle, Middle Age Blues, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Going to the Bird Sanctuary? Don’t Forget Your Arrowproof Vest

Posted on September 4, 2011 by

I’m not fat. James Gandolfini is fat. Larry the Cable Guy is fat. Dominique Strauss-Kahn’s rape file is fat. I’m stocky. Stout. Barrel-chested. A densely-packed man of action. Not fat. So when my wife casually grabbed a handful of my … Continue reading →

Posted in Animals, Being Married, Family, Marriage, Montana, Outdoors, Parenthood | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Dog Vs Squirrel: Persistence Is Futile!

Posted on August 31, 2011 by

It’s a conflict as old as time itself: dog versus squirrel. Hundreds of generations of selective breeding and adaptive evolution have somehow failed to disabuse dogs of the idea that they might be able to catch a squirrel, even though … Continue reading →

Posted in Animals, Family, Lifestyle, Pets, Pets, Testicles | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments