Category Archives: Family

Nobody Likes the Surprise Vegetarian

Let’s get this out of the way right off the bat: I don’t have a problem with vegetarians. I don’t have a problem with vegans. Whatever people decide to eat or not eat is their business, not mine. I don’t … Continue reading

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Back to School Shopping: Some Shortcuts

  School’s just around the corner. Waiting for you with a baseball bat to shake down for your lunch money. That’s the way I always felt at the end of the summer, during most of my public education career. Summer … Continue reading

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How To Shop For a Used Car

The adult experience is loaded with grim tasks, responsibilities, expectations and unfortunate realities. It’s a good thing I’m married so I have a wife to handle all that shit. But when it comes to buying a car, I’m in the … Continue reading

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Man and Sandwich: A Sacred Relationship (Part 1)

Recently a woman approached me at a local watering hole. She introduced herself, and asked me if I could give her some advice because she was having “man trouble.” Seems she had the hots for some guy, and wondered if … Continue reading

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Continental Breakfast Blues

I like biscuits and gravy. I don’t like carpenter’s glue with floor sweepings in it. Someone needs to get the word out to a certain hotel chain that there’s a difference. The Wire family took a 1900 mile road trip … Continue reading

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Pinball Wizards In Las Vegas

I’m not a big Vegas guy. The soul-sucking bombast of the Strip leaves me cold, and the only gambling I do these days is when I sit on the toilet to drop a deuce before I check to see if … Continue reading

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Why Does the Floor Have To Be So Low?

I am a pathetic worm. A writhing, whining, grunting, squirming carcass of need. Normal everyday function has been rendered impossible. For example, if I concentrate and struggle mightily for several minutes, I can remove one of my socks. I won’t … Continue reading

Posted in Animals, Being Married, Drinking, Family, Food, Health, Marriage, Middle Age Blues, Pets, Pets | Comments Off

Grocery Shopping With Kids is a Teachable Moment, Dad

  People used to warn me never to take the kids along when I go grocery shopping. Forget that, man. The warning I should heed is to never go grocery shopping when you’re hungry. When I do, I come home … Continue reading

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Daddy’s Little Helper

Man, I haven’t been right since I fell out of bed this morning. The alarm went off, I misjudged my swipe at the snooze button, and fell right onto the dog, who was was in a dead sleep on the … Continue reading

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Here’s How To Handle Those Fake Trouble Emails

“Please help,” they say. “We’re in a foreign country and misfortune has befallen us.” You have no idea who the sender is but the tone of their letter makes it sound like you’re their last chance at salvation. “We have … Continue reading

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