Category Archives: Family

Pinball Wizards In Las Vegas

Posted on February 14, 2013 by

I’m not a big Vegas guy. The soul-sucking bombast of the Strip leaves me cold, and the only gambling I do these days is when I sit on the toilet to drop a deuce before I check to see if … Continue reading →

Posted in Culture (or lack thereof), Family, Lifestyle, Parenthood, Travel | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Why Does the Floor Have To Be So Low?

Posted on February 11, 2013 by

I am a pathetic worm. A writhing, whining, grunting, squirming carcass of need. Normal everyday function has been rendered impossible. For example, if I concentrate and struggle mightily for several minutes, I can remove one of my socks. I won’t … Continue reading →

Posted in Animals, Being Married, Drinking, Family, Food, Health, Marriage, Middle Age Blues, Pets, Pets | Leave a comment

Grocery Shopping With Kids is a Teachable Moment, Dad

Posted on February 5, 2013 by

  People used to warn me never to take the kids along when I go grocery shopping. Forget that, man. The warning I should heed is to never go grocery shopping when you’re hungry. When I do, I come home … Continue reading →

Posted in Family, Food, Parenthood, Shopping | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Daddy’s Little Helper

Posted on January 30, 2013 by

Man, I haven’t been right since I fell out of bed this morning. The alarm went off, I misjudged my swipe at the snooze button, and fell right onto the dog, who was was in a dead sleep on the … Continue reading →

Posted in Animals, Being Married, Culture (or lack thereof), Family, Health, Middle Age Blues, Pets | Leave a comment

Here’s How To Handle Those Fake Trouble Emails

Posted on December 31, 2012 by

“Please help,” they say. “We’re in a foreign country and misfortune has befallen us.” You have no idea who the sender is but the tone of their letter makes it sound like you’re their last chance at salvation. “We have … Continue reading →

Posted in Culture (or lack thereof), Current Events, Family, Lifestyle, Sexual hijinks, Travel | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Daughter the Kool-Aid Head

Posted on December 6, 2012 by

Last weekend I heard the words from my teenaged daughter that every father dreads. You raise ‘em up, you teach them right from wrong, bandage their scraped knees and protect them from as much of the world’s ugliness as you … Continue reading →

Posted in Culture (or lack thereof), Family, Fashion, Middle Age Blues, Parenthood | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

School Lunch: It’s Complicated

Posted on May 26, 2012 by

This morning, as the kids were filling their mouths with cereal the way I fill the emotional hole in my psyche with booze, I read the school lunch offering from the menu on the refrigerator door. “Today’s hot lunch is … Continue reading →

Posted in Family, Parenthood, School | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Adventures In Dogsitting: Ooh Ooh That Smell

Posted on January 5, 2012 by

Ah, on cold mornings like this, nothing feels better on the bare feet than a wood floor in a gas-heated home. Until you step in the dog vomit. Fred. We dogsit Fred for a friend when she goes out of … Continue reading →

Posted in Animals, Family, Pets | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

The Making of Off White Christmas, Part 1

Posted on December 22, 2011 by

It all started with a hamburger. A big, greasy, overbuilt monstrosity that was reportedly “demolished” by Guy Fieri, the Food Network dude who made a career out of a hairstyle. The restaurant was Waddell’s in Spokane, and I’d called Chip … Continue reading →

Posted in Being Married, Culture (or lack thereof), Family, Montana, Music, Travel | Leave a comment

How Clean Is Clean?

Posted on November 13, 2011 by

How clean is clean? It depends on whom you’re cleaning for, and who’s doing the cleaning. I’ve learned (usually the hard way) that “clean” means something different to men than it does to women. Men like things to LOOK clean: … Continue reading →

Posted in Being Married, Family, Marriage | Tagged , , | 1 Comment