Author Archives: Bob Wire

Continental Breakfast Blues

I like biscuits and gravy. I don’t like carpenter’s glue with floor sweepings in it. Someone needs to get the word out to a certain hotel chain that there’s a difference. The Wire family took a 1900 mile road trip … Continue reading

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The Blog That Killed NewWest

Four years ago this blog appeared in NewWest, a  Missoula-based site for whom I spent five years writing a humor blog. To their credit, they never rejected any of my writing, even when they knew it would bring some heat … Continue reading

Posted in Culture (or lack thereof), Current Events, In the News, Lifestyle, Politics, Religion, Sports | Tagged | 1 Comment

Hey, Jack Kerouac! Happy Birthday.

Five years ago I took an important road trip with my best friend. We piled into a borrowed 1960 Cadillac and drove from Missoula to Denver to witness the original manuscript for Jack Kerouac’s seminal book “On the Road.” The … Continue reading

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Oh My God! IT’S COMING RIGHT AT US!

I took my family to the Pinball Hall of Fame in Las Vegas a couple of years back, and once I found the Asteroids machine my tour ended immediately. I pumped quarters into that thing until I owned six of the … Continue reading

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Pinball Wizards In Las Vegas

I’m not a big Vegas guy. The soul-sucking bombast of the Strip leaves me cold, and the only gambling I do these days is when I sit on the toilet to drop a deuce before I check to see if … Continue reading

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Why Does the Floor Have To Be So Low?

I am a pathetic worm. A writhing, whining, grunting, squirming carcass of need. Normal everyday function has been rendered impossible. For example, if I concentrate and struggle mightily for several minutes, I can remove one of my socks. I won’t … Continue reading

Posted in Animals, Being Married, Drinking, Family, Food, Health, Marriage, Middle Age Blues, Pets, Pets | Comments Off

Grocery Shopping With Kids is a Teachable Moment, Dad

  People used to warn me never to take the kids along when I go grocery shopping. Forget that, man. The warning I should heed is to never go grocery shopping when you’re hungry. When I do, I come home … Continue reading

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Daddy’s Little Helper

Man, I haven’t been right since I fell out of bed this morning. The alarm went off, I misjudged my swipe at the snooze button, and fell right onto the dog, who was was in a dead sleep on the … Continue reading

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Here’s How To Handle Those Fake Trouble Emails

“Please help,” they say. “We’re in a foreign country and misfortune has befallen us.” You have no idea who the sender is but the tone of their letter makes it sound like you’re their last chance at salvation. “We have … Continue reading

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My Daughter the Kool-Aid Head

Last weekend I heard the words from my teenaged daughter that every father dreads. You raise ‘em up, you teach them right from wrong, bandage their scraped knees and protect them from as much of the world’s ugliness as you … Continue reading

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